While I had many happy moments filled with laughter and joy in Portugal, I also had moments of frustration, anger and sadness.
In Portuguese, there is a famous word called saudade that describes a mixture of emotions: happiness, grief, and even nostalgia. My mom was a big influence on my decision to study abroad, as I saw how her study abroad trip to Spain had positively changed her life. My mom passed away battling lung cancer when I was 15 and in high school. Seven years later, I still felt a great amount of saudade. While I was in Portugal, I thought about her often. I was sad that she wasn't able to see me and be with me on my study abroad journey, and I was nostalgic for the times I had spent with my mom travelling across the USA. Yet, I was also happy to remember all the amazing times I spent with her. I knew that my study abroad journey was possible because of her inspiration, even if she wasn't here to see it.
Studying abroad in Portugal changed my perspective in many ways. I realized that it's okay to not be happy all the time. Just like saudade explains, happiness and sadness are inseparable emotions. How would you ever know you were happy if you were never sad? How would you ever enjoy pleasures if you never experienced pain? As important as it is to smile and to be happy, it's also important to recognize and express your other emotions.
During my last days in Portugal, I remember looking back at my school after the last day of classes and crying: I was so sad that I had to leave. Portugal not only gave me new insights into learning new languages and about other cultures, but it also offered me an important opportunity to mature personally and emotionally.
