When I walk down a street, many people assume I speak Spanish, as I look "Mexican." Even in my community, I felt judged for not knowing the language that I was supposed to know and speak. Not knowing Spanish was one of the main factors why I had low self-esteem and an identity crisis. For the majority of my childhood, resenting the fact I looked like the stereotypical Mexican girl, I tried to suppress and ignore my Mexican heritage and focused on English, the language I excelled at. By the time I was ten years old, I was reading young-adult fiction, as I was an avid reader, and never got less than a B+ on my spelling and grammar tests.
It wasn't until middle school that I met people who were in the same position as me, not knowing a lot of Spanish or no Spanish at all, yet being proud of their heritage. By the end of my middle school days, I started to put in the effort to speak Spanish with anyone I could. Letting friends and family correct me, and try to show me, but I got frustrated. I hated having people speak to me like I was three years old. It felt like I was being looked down on. It was infantilizing to have people simplify things and over-pronunciate words to me. It felt like they were attacking me with a smile on their face. To this day, when my partner or friends correct me, I still have a hard time taking constructive criticism, but now I realize they are trying their best to help me out. But until my sophomore year of high school, my first time taking a Spanish class, it felt like I was being looked down on and shamed for not knowing such basic things. I have also learned that people do this to help you have proper pronunciation and get their point across, not necessarily them being judgy.
