While school clubs and parties exist in college in America, the feeling of community in Japan when attending these events is much stronger than what I feel in America.
Since dating is slightly different from what my friends and I are used to, we were all slightly worried about sending mixed messages to Japanese students when we only wanted to be friends. Luckily, we consulted senior Japanese girls, who let us know that being straightforward about what we want is okay as long as we aren’t rude! We had all been so nervous about breaking cultural norms that we completely overlooked the obvious answer. We often would invite groups of Japanese students to dinner to avoid any miscommunication while still enjoying an array of company. In Japan, if a group is going out to dinner with the intention of starting a romantic relationship, it is called a goukan, or group date. This will be agreed on beforehand and everyone involved will know that the goal is finding someone to connect with romantically. When inviting our Japanese friends out in groups, we simply let them know we were having a friendly dinner and not a goukan.
Back home, I never expected that I would struggle with understanding relationships and how to meet new people, so of course I was surprised when I began studying abroad. Since my arrival, I have slowly opened up to different events and forms of socializing. I have, in turn, learned of the cultural differences in making connections in Japan. Many of the things I thought I understood, like school clubs, have a different connotation that I had to adjust to over time.
